walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
