Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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