I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
