Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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