I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
