You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
