I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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