Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i believe in u and ur pee
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
