so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
