yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
