I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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