onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You don't make any sense
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