Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
