on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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