Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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