I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
