6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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