Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
