Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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