Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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