We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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