The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
