My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
