We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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