She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
