your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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