Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
