i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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