sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
