I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
