What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
