My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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