With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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