He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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