So drunk its hurt
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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