I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
