I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
