Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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