nutella sex= disaster
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
