giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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