I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
