He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
