google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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