There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
