I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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