Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
