How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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