Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i've created a new STD.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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