plz talk dirty to me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
