Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
