If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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