You just made me feel so damn special
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
