am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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