My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
