He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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