I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
