i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
