yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
