Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
