like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
