It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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