it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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