So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
