I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
