So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
