I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
