My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
