I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
