I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
