I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
